It’s almost 6:00 at night, and I should be heading home. The truth is though, I’m scared. Late this afternoon, my parents took my dogs to the vet. They needed a check-up, but my oldest dog, Toby, also has a large growth on his head. It started out looking like a wart. Cocker spaniels get warts, and an over-the-counter wart medicine, seemed to help. In the last couple of months though, the growth keeps growing. It’s really large now and takes over a huge part of his head. He keeps on itching it, and it’s bleeding a lot. The vet knows that it’s there, and he’s going to do a biopsy on it.
Dr. Google can be a wonderful thing or a terrible thing. I couldn’t help myself, so I Googled last week to find out more about Toby’s growth. It doesn’t look good. I’m terrified that it’s cancer. I’m terrified that I’m going to have to make a choice about what to do, and I don’t want to make this choice. I’ve had many dogs in my lifetime. When I was younger, we had to give a dog away because we were moving to a smaller house and she would’t have the area she needed to play. Then when I grew up, we got two other dogs: Princess and Maggie. One day, I came home from school and I found Princess dead. I was devastated! A couple of years after Princess died, Maggie did too. She had kidney failure, and we had to make the choice to put her down. It was one of the most difficult decisions we ever had to make.
Our dogs have always been very loyal to us (as dogs tend to be), but Zoe and Toby are different. They are incredibly loyal to each other. Zoe, in particular, adores Toby. She makes the most heart-wrenching sound if he ever needs to go to the vet and she’s left alone. I can’t even imagine what would happen if Toby has cancer. At this point, his appetite and activity level are normal (which is good), but this growth isn’t normal. I’m trying to tell myself to calm down. I’m trying to tell myself that it’s going to be okay. I’m trying to tell myself that I can handle the news, whatever it is, but at this point, I’m struggling with listening to myself.
And so I chose to blog. I chose to share what I’m thinking and feeling with the hope that it will help me feel better. This is not a professional post at all, and for that I apologize, but if all of my blog readers can think some positive thoughts tonight, I’d appreciate it! For now, I need to be brave. I need to head home, and I need to hear about what happened with Toby. I’m really, really hoping for good news!