I Should Be Heading Home, But I’m Not …

It’s almost 6:00 at night, and I should be heading home. The truth is though, I’m scared. Late this afternoon, my parents took my dogs to the vet. They needed a check-up, but my oldest dog, Toby, also has a large growth on his head. It started out looking like a wart. Cocker spaniels get warts, and an over-the-counter wart medicine, seemed to help. In the last couple of months though, the growth keeps growing. It’s really large now and takes over a huge part of his head. He keeps on itching it, and it’s bleeding a lot. The vet knows that it’s there, and he’s going to do a biopsy on it.

Toby Is Lying On The Blanket

Toby Is Lying On The Blanket

Dr. Google can be a wonderful thing or a terrible thing. I couldn’t help myself, so I Googled last week to find out more about Toby’s growth. It doesn’t look good. I’m terrified that it’s cancer. I’m terrified that I’m going to have to make a choice about what to do, and I don’t want to make this choice. I’ve had many dogs in my lifetime. When I was younger, we had to give a dog away because we were moving to a smaller house and she would’t have the area she needed to play. Then when I grew up, we got two other dogs: Princess and Maggie. One day, I came home from school and I found Princess dead. I was devastated! A couple of years after Princess died, Maggie did too. She had kidney failure, and we had to make the choice to put her down. It was one of the most difficult decisions we ever had to make.

Our dogs have always been very loyal to us (as dogs tend to be), but Zoe and Toby are different. They are incredibly loyal to each other. Zoe, in particular, adores Toby. She makes the most heart-wrenching sound if he ever needs to go to the vet and she’s left alone. I can’t even imagine what would happen if Toby has cancer. At this point, his appetite and activity level are normal (which is good), but this growth isn’t normal. I’m trying to tell myself to calm down. I’m trying to tell myself that it’s going to be okay. I’m trying to tell myself that I can handle the news, whatever it is, but at this point, I’m struggling with listening to myself.

And so I chose to blog. I chose to share what I’m thinking and feeling with the hope that it will help me feel better. This is not a professional post at all, and for that I apologize, but if all of my blog readers can think some positive thoughts tonight, I’d appreciate it! For now, I need to be brave. I need to head home, and I need to hear about what happened with Toby. I’m really, really hoping for good news!


9 thoughts on “I Should Be Heading Home, But I’m Not …

  1. Hope you received the news you were hoping for, and if you didn’t, I hope you found out that the growth is operable. Vets can do pretty incredible things surgically these days. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    • Thanks Janice! I really appreciate that. It’s time to pack up here and go and find out. I can do this (or so I’m trying to tell myself)! I’m hoping and praying for some good news!


  2. Oh Aviva! Three years ago this summer, Fresca my now 12 year old chocolate lab what could best be described as skin tags. One on her neck, near her collar and the other on her eye. Both suddenly and rapidly grew. The vet operated, removed both and it was all good — nothing cancerous. But I know the terror. My thoughts are with you that you also get good news.

    • Thanks Mary! I really appreciate you sharing your story. I’m glad that everything turned out well. I hope that it does now too. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look very good. The growth is too large to biopsy. The vet’s afraid that he won’t be able to stop the blood if he tries. He took blood tests and plans on operating. Toby’s lost a lot of weight in a limited amount of time though, despite not changing his diet or exercise. The vet’s concerned about this. I’m still hoping that somehow this will all work out.


  3. Hi Aviva,
    I love that you share so much of yourself in and out of your classroom. Most of the time I lurk and sometimes I share your thinking with others. Couldn’t resist sending some positive thoughts your way. I think your latest tweet said surgery now. Much love to you and your furry family member.
    My own two fur babies are very much part of the family. My daughter calls them her brothers. My older dog is 7 and having issues with his back legs. We are discussing and considering a doggy wheelchair since he is ok otherwise. Had a rough weekend as his condition has deteriorated so much lately. I have been reading some bucket list posts lately for dogs. I have been spoiling my Charlie like crazy. Letting sleep with me, letting him have meat/steak instead of dog food. etc. Whatever time he has left with us I want him to enjoy it. I also worry about his furry brother who is ultimately going to be left on his own and has never lived as a single dog. I think Casey will be lonely.
    Warm thoughts as you go through this trying time. I hope that the procedure is successful and you have more time together. Virtual hugs.

    • Thanks for the comment, Heather! I really appreciate it. Yes, the latest news is that he’ll need surgery. The vet isn’t sure if it’s cancerous or not, but the lump is too large to biopsy. He’s afraid that he won’t be able to stop the bleeding if he does. He’s hoping that the blood tests he took today will share more, but the concerning part, is that Toby has lost 8 pounds in a short time (despite not changing his diet or exercise). I’m still hoping for some good news!

      I also hope that your furry family member has many more happy years with you! Dogs are such an important part of our lives that losing them really does feel like losing a part of the family.


    • Thanks Yusra! He’s about the same. He has a few other issues — one is with his kidneys — and the vet doesn’t know exactly what’s wrong. He’s behaving about the same though, which is good news. I’m trying to think positively!

      Miss Dunsiger

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